The world's definition of forbidden love usually refers to relationships that society, culture, family, or law does not approve of. However, Islam presents a much deeper and more precise psychology of forbidden love.

Forbidden Love and Romantic Relationships in Islam

In Islam, every romantic relationship that exists outside the boundaries set by Shariah is considered forbidden. The Qur'an not only defines lawful and unlawful relationships but also prohibits taking secret lovers:

(Surah An-Nisa 4:23-25)

4:23

Forbidden to you (for marriage) are your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your paternal aunts, your maternal aunts, your brothers' daughters, your sisters' daughters, your foster mothers who nursed you, your foster sisters, your wives' mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship born of your wives with whom you have consummated marriage—but if you have not consummated marriage with them, there is no blame upon you—and the wives of your sons who are from your own loins, and that you take two sisters together in marriage, except for what has already passed. Indeed, Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

4:24

Also forbidden are married women, except those whom your right hands possess. This is Allah's decree upon you. Lawful to you are all others beyond these, provided that you seek them in marriage with your wealth, desiring chastity and not unlawful sexual relations. So for whatever you enjoy from them, give them their due compensation as an obligation. There is no blame upon you for what you mutually agree upon beyond the obligation. Indeed, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise.

4:25

  And whoever among you cannot afford to marry free believing women, then let him marry from among your believing slave women whom your right hands possess. Allah knows best about your faith. You are of one another. So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable, being chaste, neither committing unlawful sexual intercourse nor taking secret lovers. Then when they are married, if they commit immorality, they shall receive half the punishment prescribed for free married women. This concession is for those among you who fear falling into sin. But if you are patient, it is better for you. And Allah is Ever-Forgiving, Most Merciful 

These verses show that love and relationships are not left to personal desires alone; they are guided by divine limits and responsibilities.

The Hidden Spectrum of Forbidden Love

There is, however, another spectrum of forbidden love that often goes unnoticed. Allah warns believers not to let worldly attachments distract them from Him:

(Surah Al-Munafiqun 63:9)

"O you who have believed, let not your wealth and your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whoever does that—then those are the losers."

Parents naturally love their children deeply, and this love is a blessing from Allah. Yet sometimes a person's attachment to their children, wealth, or family becomes so overwhelming that they are willing to cross the limits set by Allah for their sake. The love itself is not forbidden, but it has boundaries.

Allah further reminds us:

(Surah At-Taghabun 64:15)

"Your wealth and your children are only a trial, and Allah has with Him a great reward." 

Even the purest worldly relationships are a test. They are blessings, but they should never become greater than our love and obedience to Allah.

Allah also says:

(Surah At-Tawbah 9:24)

"Say, if your fathers, your sons, your brothers, your spouses, your relatives, the wealth you have acquired, the commerce you fear may decline, and the homes you love are more beloved to you than Allah and His Messenger and striving in His cause, then wait until Allah brings about His command."

The Qur'anic Definition of Forbidden Love

The definition of forbidden love in Islam is therefore extremely precise and delicate:

Any love that causes you to forget Allah, distances you from His remembrance, or leads you to cross the limits He has set becomes a forbidden attachment.

Allah is the ultimate Source of every blessing and every form of love. If a person forgets the very Source from whom all love comes, how can they truly succeed?

Many people in the modern world view love solely through emotions and personal desires, often overlooking the spiritual boundaries and responsibilities that Islam places upon it. The Qur'an, however, teaches that true love is not merely about intensity of feelings—it is about loving within the limits set by Allah and ensuring that no attachment becomes greater than our attachment to Him.

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Allah says in Quran 

Surah Qaf (50:16)

وَنَحۡنُ اَقۡرَبُ اِلَيۡهِ مِنۡ حَبۡلِ الۡوَرِيۡدِ

"And We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein."

 Let try to understand this verse psychologically and scientifically.

The Scientific Reflection

The heart is the center of the body that pumps blood throughout the entire body, including the brain. Without receiving blood from the heart, the brain cannot function. To send and receive signals from the body, the brain depends upon blood flow, and that blood travels through the jugular veins.

Allah says, "I am closer to him than his jugular vein."

This means that before you even feel something or receive signals from your body, Allah is so close to you that you cannot even comprehend that distance. Allah is not inside the jugular vein; rather, He is nearer to you than it in His knowledge, awareness, and closeness.

Why Do We Not Feel this Closeness?

Human beings live through many layers.

First, there is the physical layer, which we study through biology, chemistry, and physics.

Then there is the psychological and spiritual layer, which includes our desires, intentions, emotions, and inner struggles. Human beings may share the same biology, yet their behaviors and choices are completely different.

To understand this verse more deeply, we must also look at the human soul.

The Barrier of  Desires

We have been placed in this world for a test and for a limited period of time. One day, every one of us will return to Allah.

Allah has placed us in different circumstances and conditions, but between us and the awareness of His closeness stands a barrier: our desires and our attachment to this world.

When a person sacrifices his desires for the sake of Allah, he begins to feel Allah's nearness more deeply.

The Example of the Prophets (A.S.)

All of the Prophets (A.S.) sacrificed their personal desires and remained steadfast for the sake of Allah.

They fulfilled the trust of free will by willingly choosing Allah above everything else.

Their lives teach us that true closeness to Allah is not achieved through physical distance but through faith, obedience, patience, and sacrifice.

The Lesson of Eid al-Adha

Every year, Eid al-Adha reminds us of the meaning of sacrifice.

When an animal is sacrificed, its throat is cut from the front, and the jugular veins are severed.

This sacrifice is not merely a ritual. It is a reminder that just as we sacrifice an animal, we must also sacrifice the desires, attachments, and sins that keep us distant from Allah.

However, the human ego often resists this sacrifice and wants to live only for this world.

The Example of Imam Hussain (A.S.)

Then there is the example of Imam Hussain ibn Ali (A.S.), The Prophet Muhammad's (ﷺ) grandson, 

who showed the true essence of sacrifice for the sake of Allah in Karbala. Through his sacrifice, one realizes how close he was to Allah and why he is known as:

 The leader of the youth of Paradise.

This is one way of reflecting upon the depth of this magnificent verse.

Today, we can clearly see that tolerance is rapidly declining. People become angry more easily, relationships break more quickly, and even small disagreements turn into hostility.

 Why is this happening?

The decline of tolerance is not merely a social problem; it is also a spiritual crisis. There are many reasons behind it.

1. Dependence on Comfort and Machines

Human behavior has changed dramatically. People have become increasingly dependent on machines, technology, and convenience. When these comforts are unavailable, they feel weak, frustrated, and uncomfortable.

This mindset has also affected human relationships. People have become so accustomed to controlling machines that they unconsciously expect other people to behave according to their wishes as well. When someone exercises their freedom or acts differently, they feel as though they have lost control. As a result, they become impatient and intolerant.

2. The Pressure of Artificial Social Norms

Modern society often imposes artificial standards and expectations, shaping people according to a so-called "New World Order" of thought and behavior. When someone refuses to conform to these expectations, it can create an identity crisis and produce intolerance toward those who think differently.

3. The Dominance of Desires

Another major factor is the growing dominance of desires. The spirit of sacrifice has become weaker, while selfish ambitions have become stronger.

Instead of striving to fulfill their legitimate needs and defend their rights in a just manner, many people attempt to satisfy forbidden desires by using others for personal gain. To achieve this, they become manipulative, controlling, and increasingly intolerant.

The consequences are severe:

You gain more enemies.

Your stress increases.

Trust and loyalty begin to disappear.

Your belief system and inner peace gradually weaken.

The Secret of the Prophet's (ﷺ) Tolerance

Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) remained extraordinarily tolerant because he was free from the need to control people and placed his complete trust in Allah.

He:

Focused on his own responsibilities.

Remained silent when speaking would not bring benefit.

Used his time for good rather than criticizing others.

Fulfilled his duties and often forgave people for personal wrongs.

Did not fuel conflicts among people.

Prayed for the guidance of others because the door of repentance and guidance remains open for everyone.

Established justice without personal hatred or jealousy.

He did not place his hopes in people; he placed them in Allah alone.

This is why he remained patient and tolerant even in the most difficult circumstances. His tolerance was not weakness—it was spiritual strength, self-mastery, and complete trust in Allah's wisdom.

When a person adopts these qualities, they become free from the desperate need to control others. Ironically, many people seek freedom by controlling others, but true freedom comes from freeing oneself from that desire.

Even if a person is a king or ruler, authority is not a privilege of domination but a responsibility before Allah. Power is a trust, and every trust will be accounted for. When people forget this and try to create an order based on their own desires instead of Allah's justice, intolerance inevitably grows.

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What is Qadar?

Allah says in the Qur'an:

Surah Al-Qamar, Ayah 49 (54:49)

اِنَّا كُلَّ شَىۡءٍ خَلَقۡنٰهُ بِقَدَرٍ‏ 

"Indeed, all things We created with predestination (Qadar)."

If we read this verse carefully, we find that the word Qadar, translated here as predestination, carries a depth of meaning. It can refer to destiny, preordainment, measure, balance, proportion, decree, and design.

At first glance, having so many meanings attached to a single word may seem confusing. Yet when we reflect upon them, they all point toward a single reality: Allah has created everything according to a fixed and precise order. Whether we call it destiny, measure, balance, or design, each meaning describes an aspect of the same reality established by Allah.

If we look at the world through the lens of science, we know that despite having advanced tools and mathematical formulas, we can never measure anything with absolute precision. At microscopic levels, there is always some degree of variation. This is why the concept of Qadar can be understood as representing Allah's Divine Measure—a perfect plan known completely to Him.

Why is this so?

Because for Allah, everything is absolute. Nothing surprises Him, and nothing escapes His knowledge. A thing can only move or change to the extent that Allah has allowed it to. This is why the Qur'an uses the word Qadar. Everything in the universe is in a state of continuous motion and change, yet that motion takes place within boundaries established by Allah.

Within those boundaries, creation possesses movement and choice. Sometimes that movement takes a unique direction that reflects free will. However, when a thing repeatedly moves beyond the limits set for it, destruction begins to appear.

A question then arises:

Does that destruction also fall under predestination?

To understand this question, let us reflect on examples from the Qur’an and science.

Example No. 1

The Qur'an mentions the story of Prophet Salih (A.S.). His people demanded a she-camel as a sign from Allah and declared that they would believe if such a sign appeared. Allah granted them the she-camel, but He also placed their test within it. Instead of respecting the sign, they killed the she-camel.

So the question is:

Did Allah write in their destiny that they would commit this act?

And even if someone were to claim that this happened solely because Allah willed it, then another question arises:

Why did Allah provide them with a path to repentance?

Why were they given three days to correct themselves?

Example No. 2

Imagine that you purchase a car with a maximum speed of 200.

Most of the time, you drive it at 100. You enjoy the ride and continue using it responsibly.

One day, however, you become interested in racing. You drive faster, enjoy the thrill, and win a race. Encouraged by the experience, you begin driving aggressively every day.

Gradually, the tires start wearing out. The engine begins showing signs of damage. Small problems emerge one after another. These issues serve as indications and warnings.

Yet you refuse to stop.

Eventually, the car becomes completely damaged and goes beyond repair.

In such a situation, can you blame the company for giving the car a speed range of 200?

And if that speed range existed, under what conditions was it meant to be used?

This example helps us understand why the concept of Qadar is so important.

Allah wants you to move, grow, act, and make choices. But He has also established limits within creation. Every action carries consequences built into the design of the universe. When a person remains within those limits, harmony is maintained. When a person repeatedly ignores the signs and goes beyond those limits, the consequences of those choices begin to appear.

Yet Allah, in His mercy, does not immediately abandon His servants. He gives signs, warnings, opportunities for reflection, and chances for repentance. The purpose of these signs is to help a person recognize where they are heading before greater consequences arrive.

In this way, Qadar is not just about destiny. It also points toward measure, balance, design, proportion, and the limits through which Allah governs His creation.

Why?

Because Allah is Al-Latif (ٱلْلَّطِيف)—“The Most Subtle, The Most Kind.”

It means He knows every tiny detail of your life, even the ones you can’t see… like things under a microscope level, hidden deep in places human eyes can never reach.

That’s the real depth behind the word Qadar.

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