Family is supposed to be home but for too many, it's where the hurt started. When your pain is from the people who were supposed to love and take care of you, it can mess with your head, your heart, and your whole sense of self.

It ain't easy battling through family trauma, but it is possible. It's a matter of being strong, ending bad patterns, and creating the life you want on your terms, one step at a time.

This is how to begin the fight and fight for yourself until you prevail.

1. Call It What It Is

You can't conquer what you're too afraid to name aloud. So you must say it first. And what that takes is honesty about what was done to you even if it hurts.

Ask yourself:

- What was done to me that still bothers me?

- How did my family treat me as a child?

- What are the old habits that still control me today?

You're not melodramatic or thankful you're being authentic.

2. Stop Blaming Yourself

Come on you were not at fault. You didn't create the mess, the silence, the abandonment, the yelling, or the emotional theatrics. That was theirs.

Trauma with the family gets passed down generations. Breaking it takes the stance, "This stops with me."

And that's freedom.

3. Don't Do This Alone

You're tough but you're not a machine. Even soldiers need help. Connect with someone who can really walk you through the destruction and create fresh clothing.

- A good counselor will assist you in finding meaning in your narrative and provide you with ways to break out of it.

- Support groups will remind you you're not alone.

- True friends  the ones who listen to you from head to toe and don't judge you — are more valuable than gold.

This is your corner. Stand on it.

4. Learn About What You're Fighting

The more you know about trauma, the more you can resist it. When you know how it creeps into your brain, responses, and relationships, you can shut it down in its tracks.

Some salty books (in the good sense):

- The Body Keeps the Score

 written by Bessel van der Kolk

- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents

 written by Lindsay Gibson

- It Didn't Start with You 

written by Mark Wolynn

You will be rocked by these and be able to refine your tools.

5. Guard Your Peace Like It's Sacred

Facing trauma sometimes involves putting up walls not to keep everyone else out, but to keep yourself safe from harm. Boundaries are how you say, "I matter. My peace matters."

It may mean:

- Hanging up toxic phone calls

- Not attending certain family gatherings

- Saying "no" without providing an explanation

- Opting for distance when closeness is still causing pain

This is not being cold. This is being brave.

6. Let the Emotions Out — Don't Bottle Them

The battle rages. And keeping it all bottled up only tightens the knot. Cry. Yell. Write. Dance. Paint. Write angry letters you never mail.

Do whatever you need to shake that pain.

You've had enough silence.

7. Make a Life That Feels Like Freedom

This is what you're really fighting for this new you who isn't held back by the past. The you who gets to choose joy, peace, and love on your terms.

Steal back your power:

- Hang out with people who make you feel safe

- Practice kindness on yourself

- Hell yes to whatever gets you alive

You aren't fighting the trauma  you're building something better.

8. Final Thoughts: You're Not Alone in This War

Trauma does not go away but you can grow out of it, outwit it, and move past it. There will be more difficult days. There will be days when you'll be spent. But every step you take is a blow struck in the right direction.

And remember:

"You didn’t choose this contest, but you’re more than strong enough to win it"

If you would like, I can even draft up some affirmations or journal entries to keep you on the right mental space during the war. Let me know.

1. Acknowledgment and Responsibility

The first step in rebuilding trust is acknowledging the breach that occurred. This involves both parties being open and honest about their feelings, perceptions, and experiences. The person who breached the trust must take responsibility for their actions, offering a sincere apology that shows genuine remorse and understanding of the hurt caused. Conversely, the person who feels betrayed should express their emotions and concerns, allowing for an open and safe dialogue.

2. Effective Communication

Clear and compassionate communication is pivotal in rebuilding trust. Both individuals need to feel heard and understood. Active listening is crucial, where each party patiently listens to the other's perspective without interruption. Open communication helps in identifying the root causes of the breach and clarifying any misunderstandings.

3. Patience and Time

Rebuilding trust is not an overnight process; it requires time and patience. Just as trust was not established in a day, it won't be restored instantly either. Both individuals must be willing to invest the time needed for the wounds to heal and for trust to gradually rebuild itself.

4. Consistency and Reliability

Consistency is key in rebuilding trust. The person who broke the trust must demonstrate through their actions that they are committed to change and growth. They should consistently adhere to their promises, follow through on commitments, and display reliability. Over time, this consistency will help the wounded party feel more secure.

5. Transparency

Openness and transparency are vital components of rebuilding trust. Both individuals should be willing to share their thoughts, feelings, and activities, creating an atmosphere of honesty. The person who breached the trust may need to provide additional information to reassure the other party and help rebuild a sense of security.

6. Setting Boundaries

As the relationship embarks on the journey of rebuilding trust, it's important to establish clear boundaries. These boundaries provide a framework within which both individuals can feel safe and respected. Setting boundaries also helps prevent further breaches and miscommunications.

7. Forgiveness and Letting Go

Rebuilding trust can be accomplished with the help of forgiveness.. It's important to note that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or condoning the actions that led to the breach. Rather, it signifies a conscious decision to let go of the pain and resentment, allowing healing to take place. Forgiveness benefits both parties, as it frees them from the burden of negativity.

8. Seeking Professional Help

In some cases, rebuilding trust might require the assistance of a professional, such as a therapist or counselor. These experts can provide an objective perspective, offer strategies for communication and conflict resolution, and guide the individuals through the healing process.

Conclusion

Rebuilding trust in a relationship is a journey that demands effort, dedication, and commitment from both parties involved. It requires vulnerability, empathy, and a willingness to grow individually and together. While the path to healing might be challenging, the rewards are immeasurable: a deeper, more resilient connection built on a foundation of renewed trust. Remember, every relationship is unique, and the pace of healing will vary, but with patience and a shared determination to rebuild, a brighter future is possible.